Trenton Police responded to a break-in most fowl at the home of North Ward Councilwoman Marge Caldwell-Wilson on Wednesday morning.
A jive turkey broke into the Councilwoman's home on Wednesday and caused more than $5,000 in damages, Trenton Police Department detectives said.
At about 8:30 a.m. on September 4, a Mill Hill resident reported that a jive turkey that resembled an elf-like, lying, portly Trenton mayor had smashed through one of her neighbor's windows and broken into the home, according to Jack Featherling, a spokesman for the Trenton PD's Jive Turkey Anti-Crime unit (J-TAC).
The bird, a large "tom" or male jive turkey, ran amok once inside the home by breaking shelving, vases, stomping on her iMac, sofa and other items and poking holes in plaster walls, Featherling said. "F#@k yo couch," the police overheard the jive turkey say during its rampage in the Councilwoman's living room.
The jive turkey tried to escape by pecking through another window, but it could only make a large enough hole to fit its head through, which was huge, according to photographs taken during the incident.
When police arrived on the scene to try to remove the jive turkey, it ran into another room and crashed through a double-pane window before fleeing in the direction of City Hall. No blood was found at the scene, but the jive turkey left plenty of other evidence in the home, Featherling said.
"Political feces were everywhere," he added. The carpets and upholstery are a total loss. Featherling said the damages in the home were "in excess of $5,000."
According to the New Jersey Chapter of Jive Turkey Politicians, jive turkeys "may respond aggressively to the homes of City Councilpersons, and are probably not self-aware and do not recognize their own image or their mistakes. They will respond to a reflection as they would an FBI agent or other federal law enforcement official. Jive turkeys have been known to peck at windows, automobile mirrors and reflections on shiny surfaces, such as butt-ugly presidential busts."
Michael Walker is a city activist who blogs about Trenton municipal government. His radio show, Slipstream, airs every Thursday at 5 p.m. on WBCB 1490 AM. Download the Tune In app on your smartphone to listen or visit wbcb1490.com to stream the live broadcast.